Admit it, the title caught your attention! And if it didn’t, then this will!
Ok ok… so the Hanky Panky I’m talking about here is a brand…not you know, bowm chicka bow wow!
But for real…aren’t they cute?
Half of you are looking at the picture to the left and thinking “YEAH RIGHT! You’d have to force me to even try and get my fat tookis in a pair of those!” And some of you are thinking “SO Cute…I already have 4 pairs.” And then there are those of you who’d have used pregnancy as an excuse for hideous underoos, but that excuse is clearly gone for you now since I’m even showing a picture of a pregnant woman sporting them.
I’m not saying now that I’m trying to make you give up your cottony, panty-line-showing, up-to-your-eyeballs underoos for your whole life, but I am saying…forgo them for one day for your honey’s sake (or if you’re single, then for your own sake!)
Now clearly you know after my post regarding The Jello Jog the other day, the above pictures are clearly not me. And you may be thinking that just because you may do a jello jog too means that you have no business sporting something so lacy and small….but check this out:
These gals are no emaciated models…look, their thighs even touch. And without airbrushing, maybe they have a little jello jog too. But doesn’t look as bad as you’d have thought huh? I do think that we can all remember here for a minute though that the saying is true “Tan fat is better than pale fat.” (Thank you to Suzanne Fawsett from high school for that important word of truth.) So I’m thinking a little self tanner in your Valentine’s basket o’goodies might not be a bad idea either.
But for real now. I’m not gonna lie…they’re about $18 a pair, but you will love them. You’ll never guess who turned my family on to these gems. Seriously…you’ll die when I tell you.
Ok ok…before you think we’re really weird, he read about them in the Wall Street Journal which to him is pretty much like Biblical evidence of truth. If it’s in The Journal, then it must be true as far as he is concerned. The man doesn’t watch a movie without a hearty nod of approval from Joe Morganstern in The Wall Street Journal.
So check this out. Some quotes from the article published in June of 2004:
” The seeds of 4811 (this is the best selling style) were sown in 1978 when Ms. Epstein, inspired by Rio sunbathers in revealing bikinis, designed Hanky Panky’s first G-string. She and Ms. Orzeck felt U.S. women were ready for something more liberating than common underwear.
The secret to 4811 lies in the careful calibration of the garment, which weighs a mere half-ounce, about as much as four cloves of garlic. To keep costs down, Ms. Epstein wanted to design a one-size thong that would fit most women, and she knew stretch lace was a particularly forgiving material. So she scoured New York manufacturers until she found a fabric with the perfect “modulus” – or elasticity – for the crucial hip band. It used enough spandex to stretch but not so much as to bind bare skin.
The final key ingredient was a thin line of super-soft lace around the thong’s edge.
The result: “It lays flat on you,” says Rebecca Apsan, the owner of La Petite Coquette, which carries some 85 different thong brands. She has given away samples of the 4811 to reluctant thong customers to teach them that not all thongs rub the wrong way.
Ok, so that’s enough of the article…but you get the idea. My dad got them for my mom, who thought they were so fabulous that she got them for my sister and me. Yes, my mom did give my sister and me thong underwear. (Did I mention to you that my parents have been married 36 years?! Not saying that thong underwear deserves the credit for that, but probably doesn’t hurt huh?) And now…here I am, a few years later telling you all “YOU MUST BUY JUST ONE PAIR!”
So here’s the deal. Order a pair, or buy them from a dept store. Your husband won’t even be mad (unless you maybe buy lots of pairs) because he’ll be so amazed you’ve given up the Hanes for just one day.
Trust me people. It’s like a good recipe. And you know I don’t share a recipe that isn’t worth sharing.
So go out there and get you some….Hanky Panky that is!
PS. If you are a man who has just semi-suffered through this post…then go out and buy a pair for your wife. And if she gets mad at your for trying to pry her away from the Hanes…tell her I told you to do it.