First let me just say that parenting is hard.
It’s hard to be consistent, hard to follow through with everything we say, and hard to discipline the little people that we love. But, we do it. Because if we didn’t then our kids would turn into wretched adults, and we all know how much we enjoy those.
And once in awhile we find ourselves really sticking to our guns and following through to make the point, and those moments while hard, they feel good…because we know that the point we’re making is worth the temporary disappointment our kids feel.
I had one of those moments today.
I took my boys to get some new shoes because we’ve recently begun attending a new church that is closer to our house (we were driving nearly an hour since we moved back in the Spring.) So now that I’m a charisbyterian (that’s charismatic presbyterian), we’ve noticed a few things like “church shoes” that seem to be the norm. We decided to meet our new Presbyterian friends in the middle and at least maybe not wear say, snow boots to church on a sunny day like my son did on Sunday. So I took my boys to get some more casual but appropriately church-style shoes.
Well, my youngest is maybe 3 weeks out from needing some new shoes in general, and so when he wanted to try on half the store today and found a snazzy pair of casual Sketchers he liked, I agreed to get them, albeit a tad earlier than absolutely necessary. The three of us walked up to the counter so that I could pay for the shoes, and while I was paying, my two boys, were being boys…a little rowdy, but nothing too bad. But then my oldest grabbed a rubberband from beside the cash register and began pretending to shoot it at my youngest. So of course, little brother grabs a rubberband from beside the cash register and puts it Rambo-style around his head and begins to sort of grunt and declare war.
Right there in the checkout line.
I put out my hand to collect the rubberbands and as my 5 year-old peered over the counter at the stash of rubberbands again, I said to him, “If you touch the bag of rubberbands again, I will not buy these special shoes.”
So what do you think he did, just seconds after I finished signing my name to the credit card slip?
Yep…he grabbed a rubberband.
And this was the moment that I felt good…because it was the moment I looked at the clerk and said “I’m so sorry, but I need to return this pair of shoes.”
It was totally a moment that I could have walked out because the deed was done and figured out some creative consequence later, but something in me said, “do this now…keep your word on this.”
So I did. And I knew it was the right thing to do.
At which point, my 5 year old began to cry and then sat on the floor by my feet and began swatting at my leg. I leaned over and whispered in his ear to please stop that we were leaving shortly, but it was one of those moments that clearly wasn’t just going to end there. He kept swatting my ankles, and I resolved to finish what I was doing and continue our course of discipline once we left the store.
But then…a gruff man from behind pipes up, clearly intending for me to hear….
“If he was mine, I’d beat his ass good.”
My blood began to boil but I faced forward as the clerk was grabbing the receipt from my bag to process the return.
“I’d whoop his ass…you need to whoop his ass. There’s a whole rack of belts right here.”
Well…now he was clearly addressing me.
“Sir, I can appreciate you have opinions on discipline, but he is not yours, so I’d appreciate if you’d keep your opinions to yourself.”
He had no intention of stopping.”That is ridiculous…he is physically abusing you. You need to whip his ass good.”
My face felt frozen in rage as if I were some waxen figure in Madame Tussauds museum. I pushed up my sleeves and whipped around to face Mr. Opinions himself in too tight jeans and a dingy wife-beater tank top.
“So you want to solve it by me physically abusing him? Sir, I am the parent here and your opinions and disciplinary tactics are not welcome.” My teeth were clenched to hold back all the things I wanted to really say, but didn’t because somewhere deep in my spirit, I remembered that while I sure as heck wasn’t going to die for this man, Jesus did.
“All I’m sayin’ is that this kid needs his ass whooped.” I wondered how many more times he was going to say “ass” in front of my children. He looked at my with some version of righteous indignation and my mind raced with all the ways I could tear him up one side and down the other with rhetoric that I felt sure would make his head spin.
“I would cuss you out if I did not love Jesus…” I didn’t say it, but it was nearly all I could think as my entire body felt tingly with rage. My eyes were practically propped wide open, I’m certain my nostrils flared like a horse just off the track, and my focus to finish what I was doing and get the heck out of there was laser sharp.
I signed my name to the return slip and said “Come on” to my kids over my shoulder as I began walking towards the door.
“No…”
It came from a small voice on the floor in front of the counter.
I didn’t even turn around when I pointed behind me and said, “Then hitch a ride with that man.”
Both of my kids raced to the door to catch up with me.
For the LOVE!!! You’ve been there right? If you’re a parent, I KNOW you’ve been there!
But y’all…I don’t even have to think long to know that I absolutely, positively, would have cussed that man out if I did not love Jesus. And in my fallen mind, especially for the next 5 minutes, I thought of all the wretched things I really wanted to say. I nearly emptied out my brain of nasty and it was almost shocking how fast I could do it too.
Renewing the mind needs to happen, because there’s that old mind that still comes back from time to time. Am I right?
But for crying out loud people…it was actually a GOOD parenting moment…it was a hard one, but it was going to end up somewhere good. But rather than encourage the resolve to be consistent, a complete stranger thought the best way to help me out was to beat me up. And while I know I have a LONG way to go to sanctification, at least I’ve come far enough to put self-control to some good use somewhere along the way.
How about we all give one another some grace? How about we cheer FOR one another? How about the next time you see a mama or daddy sticking to what they said, you tell them “way to go, this thing is hard, and you’re doing a great job.”
Come, O children, listen to me;
[box] Come, O children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. What man is there who desires life and loves many days, that he may see good? Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. Ps 34:11–14[/box]
You are soo not alone and good for you for holding your ground on both fronts!!!!
{And just for the record…I’ve become charisuthern in the last several years) 😉
Love, love, love this post! Your open, honest, transparent writing shines just like Curious Faith…every Momma has walked a mile in your shoes, and we all say, “way to go, this thing is hard, and you’re doing a great job!” Many blessings to you and your two sweet boys ❤️
Thank you Beth!! Sometimes I wonder why we don’t all give one another the grace to really feel all of these things! We’ve all walked miles in one another’s shoes on some level for sure!
I so get it! I have to say having a special needs child with behavior problems attracts this kind of attention ALL. THE. TIME.
I do love Jesus, but when people start telling me how to raise my boys, especially my son with special needs, I wanna cuss as well.
Unless we’ve walked in other people’s shoes, they need to butt out.
On the other hand, when my children were struggling with behaviors and their sinful flesh was obvious to everyone, I’ve had strangers come up and rub my back and ask if there was anything they could do to help me. I’ve had my share of strangers come up and tell me I’m doing a great job.
My “mommy” posture straightened a little taller on those days, and I felt refueled to stay the course.
I’d like to know the conversation that happened in the car on the way home?! ?
Isn’t that the truth? When a stranger does a kindness it almost feels that much sweeter doesn’t it?!
Ugh! As a not-yet-parent in a sort of relevant situation with my own sister where I want to just, ya know, curse her out for certain reasons…I feel you. It’s such a struggle to remain godly when your blood is boiling! Especially when it comes to someone commenting on your own children though!
God sees us in these moments though, and He blesses us when we choose to do something over how we feel like we want to handle it. Keep this in mind!
You’re doing great mama 🙂
Thank you Ashley! And I’m not entirely sure that I’d call what I did godly since my blood was running so hot, but somewhere in my spirit, all that goodness I’ve filled it with at least put some self control into the mix!
You. Go. Girl! Who’s the mama?!? 🙂
you make me laugh!
Slow. Clap. Over and over and over AGAIN!!!! Well done mama!!!
you just slow clapped…and it was awesome! 😉
WHAT??? Ok, that man is ridiculous. So proud of your response…I would’ve slapped him! 😉
I’m totally sure my mind imagined all the scenes!
I will never understand the concept of using physical discipline to punish a child for hitting. All that does is teach him or her that you can only hit others if you are bigger than they are. Kudos to you for holding your tongue. I’m not sure I could have. And for the record, it doesn’t necessarily get easier as they get older. Mine are 11 and 14 and people still question my parenting. It seems that to certain people if we aren’t doing it their way, we aren’t doing it right.
The crazy thing too is that regardless of whether I agree with spanking or not, I wouldn’t do it in the middle of a checkout line anyhow! But for crying out loud…opinions are like belly buttons, right?!
You are a stronger woman than me. I would have had a hard time holding my tongue and then cried, because that is what I do when I get furious, and then been even madder at myself for letting gthat nasty man get to me. Way to rise above and take the high road. Thanks for representing all mamas!
Girl, sometimes I cry when I’m so furious too, but for some reason this just made me so mad that I couldn’t. Perhaps it was because I knew that there was a huge chunk of the thing that was so far beyond what he even had capacity to understand in that moment…
I’m SO SO proud of you. Somebody needs to say that that was an amazing mama moment. You did what you said you were going to do, and showed great strength in front of your boys by holding your tongue. They’ll remember your actions (returning the shoes) and what you didn’t do (lowering yourself to his level). I’d bet my life on it. Well done, mama.
well, I’m certain that they heard me rant on the phone to Sarah Mae shortly thereafter, but in the moment…some piece of me is still a little shocked that I held it together! Goes to show that the more you treasure the Word in your heart, the more it takes up residence to overcome your mind in the midst of a near mindless moment!
Wow, girl you are so awesome, because I love Jesus and I am almost sure that wouldn’t have stopeed me from cussing him out rather little ears listening but I am so proud of you! You are doing awesome!!!
Not to say that I haven’t messed up before, but this time somehow managed to hold it together!
Way to go!! Logan, what your young men witnessed in the shoe store will stay with them long after they have left your home and taken their place in the big people world. What a witness you were – as a mom, as a woman and as a Christian. That man learned something too, he just may not realize yet.
These moments seem to have your name written all over them! I think I remember a time similar to this that you had not too long ago?
Your outward response was awesome! And I’m glad that you got to internally release it too!!
Oh, this is so good. What a good parenting moment and a great blog story. Thanks for sharing it!